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SomeRandomDude
Newbie
Posts: 2
Registered: 01-03-2005 Location:
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posted on 01-04-2005 at 05:25 |
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25 year old male virgin and hurting.
I posted the following on another message board recently and got some nice advice/feedback.. that being said I could use all that I could get... So here goes again.
Needless to say the subject says it all. While most of my friends were losing their virginity in their teens... and those who had waited a little longer their early 20's, here I am 25 years old and have still not reached 'home plate' so to speak.
I've got a multitude of problems that likely contribute to this current situation. I've got no self esteem, low self worth, an EXTREME fear of rejection and am very very shy.
I will go on record as saying I commend those who wait until they find the right person, not so much for religious reasons in my case (as I'm not the most religious person in the world....) I just feel it shows alot of character on their parts to be willing to wait.
The difference is it's not by choice on my part. I'm so lonely and more than anything I want to meet someone and have that magic moment happen. I've been diagnosed with depression and the longer this lack of sexual activity takes place, the farther I fall into a pit of hopelessness and despair.
I like to tell myself that all the waiting I've done will be worth it in the end.. that when it finally happens, due to the waiting things will be that much more enjoyable. I don't neccessarly believe this to be true, but it does to an extent help me to cope.
To make matters worse I'm ashamed enough by this that I tend to keep this a secret.. well there is a website out there that has a link to a 'quiz' well the quiz ends up being fake and your answers get sent to whomever sent you the quiz.
One of the questions involves deals with whether you have had sex or not and well it was a girl I had been talking to online that sent the 'quiz' and now she knows I'm a virgin. I'm sure she meant no harm by it (it's intended to be a joke) but now I don't feel so comfortable talking to her. I hope that she will understand and lend support.
Ah well if that's my biggest concern this week I'll do ok. Thanks for allowing me to get this off my chest. It helps just being able to let things out sometimes. Just need to keep a positive outlook and not give up on things. I do think it will happen someday, has just simply taken longer than what I had hoped. (I wil however admit to being upset about missing out on my entire 'sexual peak' )
Feedback?!? Any possible advice to help me out?!? Either would be much appreciated. I get really depressed about this quite often.
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MightyMusicMouse1987
Newbie
Posts: 8
Registered: 01-09-2005 Location: Kansas City, MO
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posted on 01-10-2005 at 01:10 |
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Hey, Sweetie... :D
I know exactly how you feel. I'm only 17, but being the only virgin in my group of friends, I know the pressure is tough ot deal with. But you should be proud to be a virgin. You don't have to worry about STDs or baby's Mamas, so really, you've got a better deal than the majority of people out there.
So I say, keep on rockin that virginity!
You seem like a decent guy. So you've got nothing to worry about. Your special someone will come someday.
Personally, I think sex is overused. People do it the wrong way. Marriage should come first. Sex isn't just something people do. It's too special to be thrown away.
So be strong, and flaunt that virginity!
Just remember that sex is worth the wait.
And if you ever wanna talk, you can e-mail me (my address is on my profile).
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Bubbles09909
Newbie
Posts: 2
Registered: 02-23-2005 Location:
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posted on 02-24-2005 at 01:20 |
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I can relate somewhat to how you feel since I am 22 and still a virgin proudly. All of my friends are either in serious relationships, engaged, or married right now and every single one of them has had sex for the first time. Up until about 6 months ago, I really thought something must be wrong with me. I thought about giving up my virginity to a guy who was quite willing to take it and even made plans to do so...however, I ended up backing out in the end because I realized that something wasn't wrong with me. I just had chosen to wait for the person who would make me happy and truly deserves such a special gift.
With that said, I was depressed like you though not diagnosed with it. The best advice I can give is to work on confidence...think about things you enjoy, things you are good at and people know you are. As for the shyness factor, as hard as it is (and I once was a VERY SHY person), put yourself into social settings with people you trust and let new people come to mingle with you. It's scary and your shyness will probably make you not want to talk, but TALK and enjoy the time. It'll be new to you and don't go overboard trying to do it...that'll help with the shyness factor and I'm proof it works (still am shy at times but I've learned how to get past it). For low self esteem, I don't know where that comes from for you personally but for me, to get over that low self esteem I had to deal with issues in my past that made me have that low self esteem. After identifying those things, I really began to think if I had created those things or if I was listening too much to what someone else thought or said about me...at that point, as hard as it is, you have to work to get over it and it will take time. As for fear of rejection...little tidbit...even the strongest and cockyest guys (and girls) have a fear of rejection. So don't let that stop you because everyone else, including any girl you see or date or want to date will have the same fear that you might reject her.
Wow this is getting long. I guess the words of encouragement I can give are that you don't have the chance to regret your first time and know you wasted it as I've heard from so many people. And as for the whole missing your "sexual peak", I'm sure when the time comes, you'll find out that you haven't even begun to come near climbing to that peak. And like MightyMusicMouse said (and I believe), it will be worth the wait when your time comes and you won't have any regrets.
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shy_one
Junior Member
Posts: 15
Registered: 02-28-2005 Location:
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posted on 02-28-2005 at 14:35 |
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quote:
Originally posted by Bubbles09909
I can relate somewhat to how you feel since I am 22 and still a virgin proudly. All of my friends are either in serious relationships, engaged, or married right now and every single one of them has had sex for the first time. Up until about 6 months ago, I really thought something must be wrong with me. I thought about giving up my virginity to a guy who was quite willing to take it and even made plans to do so...however, I ended up backing out in the end because I realized that something wasn't wrong with me. I just had chosen to wait for the person who would make me happy and truly deserves such a special gift.
With that said, I was depressed like you though not diagnosed with it. The best advice I can give is to work on confidence...think about things you enjoy, things you are good at and people know you are. As for the shyness factor, as hard as it is (and I once was a VERY SHY person), put yourself into social settings with people you trust and let new people come to mingle with you. It's scary and your shyness will probably make you not want to talk, but TALK and enjoy the time. It'll be new to you and don't go overboard trying to do it...that'll help with the shyness factor and I'm proof it works (still am shy at times but I've learned how to get past it). For low self esteem, I don't know where that comes from for you personally but for me, to get over that low self esteem I had to deal with issues in my past that made me have that low self esteem. After identifying those things, I really began to think if I had created those things or if I was listening too much to what someone else thought or said about me...at that point, as hard as it is, you have to work to get over it and it will take time. As for fear of rejection...little tidbit...even the strongest and cockyest guys (and girls) have a fear of rejection. So don't let that stop you because everyone else, including any girl you see or date or want to date will have the same fear that you might reject her.
Wow this is getting long. I guess the words of encouragement I can give are that you don't have the chance to regret your first time and know you wasted it as I've heard from so many people. And as for the whole missing your "sexual peak", I'm sure when the time comes, you'll find out that you haven't even begun to come near climbing to that peak. And like MightyMusicMouse said (and I believe), it will be worth the wait when your time comes and you won't have any regrets.
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Someguy
Newbie
Posts: 1
Registered: 05-13-2005 Location:
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posted on 05-14-2005 at 02:40 |
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Dude, I can relate very much so as well. I am a male virgin recently turned 21 years old. I also have no self-esteem and zero self confidence and am excrutiatingly shy in most social situations. I get terribly nervous meeting new people and even get nervous talking to people who I know fairly well. I'm also just a very passive and quiet person in general. I'm overall very self-conscious. I also suffer from depression and anxiety. To boot I'm also very short (about 5'4") which is something I have recently been feeling very self-conscious about and makes it even more difficult to meet women as many (including myself) find my height to be an issue.
Overall, I have felt very ashamed of my lack of experience with women but never felt shame about my virginity. A few weeks ago my best friend (whom I've been friends with since we were 8 years old) lost his virginity. I have also found out this week that another one of my best friends lost his virginity during his study abroad. In general I have never been too concerned about having sex. I've been more concerned with and still am concerned with finding a nice girl whom I can connect with, be comfortable with, and yes find physically attractive as well. Upon hearing about the experiences of my two friends and seeing that almost all of my other friends have had sex before as well I've recently become even more depressed and self-conscious about myself and my lack of experience. It has gotten pretty bad to the point where I have been waking up with panic attacks in the morning. However, I still am not incredibly eager to lose my virginity as I do not want to have sex with just anyone (I know I'd feel very uncomfortable anyway). However, part of me feels like I just want to get it over with for the sake of not being the only virgin among the people I know.
I think I have had opportunities in the past to increase my experience with women as I have gone out on dates (however in many of these instances I did not even realize that it was a date that I was on, I just thought we were plutonically hanging out) and therefore never "put the moves" on any of them. I also either just didnt find any personal connection with these girls or just didnt find them physically attractive (I guess this makes me picky and shallow as well).
In any case I just wanted to post on here to let you know that you are not the only one out there who's going through this difficulty. We both seem to have similar personal issues and are in the same boat. I've also talked to my older sister about this and she knows 30 year olds who are still virgins (so don't feel bad). Also most of the people Ive spoken to who are not virgins say that sex is actually not as big of a deal as most people make it out to be. It seems logical that you want your first time to be special with someone you trust and love as this will probably yield a better experience where you can learn to enjoy sex. So I am going to wait it out for someone I can be comfortable with and love.
(I apologize for the long post) I just want to thank you and commend you for posting. Reading about other people who are dealing with the same things as Im dealing with helps me alot and I hope that my post has helped you and anyone else who has read this.
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littleone
Newbie
Posts: 4
Registered: 05-14-2005 Location:
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posted on 05-14-2005 at 08:15 |
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Being a Virgin _ no shame
I am a virgin and yes it used to bug me so much but not now, I have met many people both male and female who are just average folk in all walks of life who are from 20-45 and are still virgins.
Enjoy that time when you experience that first intercourse, hopefully your wife, but at least hold out for a young virgin woman . Let it be right and important to you, not because you feel guilty, or a shame or because your friends have a few notches on there bed posts.
Trust me my friend woman of any age would think you are pretty special to share in your virginity. Don't disappoint them for the wrong reasons.
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juliet7744
Junior Member
Posts: 10
Registered: 10-06-2007 Location:
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posted on 10-06-2007 at 02:40 |
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hello
hello
how are you today .my name is miss Juliet from africa i saw your profile today and become very interested .so please it is urgent that you have to contact me immediately through above email id (julietjones01@yahoo.com) so that i will tell you my mind and give you my picture.thanks so much for your understanding .i will be waiting for your reply now . please write me direct with my mail address give you above and below here
(julietjones01@yahoo.com)
warm regard
Juliet
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